Dearest Darlingest Blogger,
Who is your audience? Your ideal potential customer? Who do you need to work with?
And do you love her?
I’ve noticed a little virus going around the blog-o-sphere. I’m calling it contempt. Nobody wants contempt, and very few people will buy it.
Let’s use an example: Fitness Bloggers.
(I’ll say it now and I’ll say it later: even if you’re not a fitness blogger, you can apply these lessons to your blog and your marketing.)
Blogger Desperately Seeking A Nice Fitness Trainer, Online
I’m shopping for a trainer or a fitness/lifestyle coach and I can’t find one that I’d like to spend time with – never mind give my money to.
Here’s why: I’ve got high self esteem. I think I’m awesome even if my ass wiggles (in fact, I like the wiggle). Yet fitness coaches and people hawking health online (and everywhere) are invested in shaming me.
I’m not having it – and I’m certainly not paying for it.
Fat is not inherently shameful or shorthand for lazy/fat/stinky/unmotivated/unattractive, and if we had eradicated all other social prejudices and bases for discrimination (and we have not, dammit), then I would say that fat is one of the last “permissable” prejudices in our society. And that’s crap, frankly.
All that being said: I still want a trainer.
I’m a potential client. Someone needs to market to me because I’ve got a goal and I’m willing to spend money to achieve it.
Fitness Bloggers Desperately Seeking Clients, Online
Let’s talk about my profile as a client and how best to market to me.
Hint: shame is not hot or profitable.
I want to get stronger and more flexible, get rid of some bad habits, and ingrain a habit of eating foods that give me energy. If I drop some weight in the process – and I will, it is inevitable – then awesome, but I don’t think that will make me a better person. I think we can all agree that the quality of my character has nothing to do with the number on the scale or my jeans.
Here’s another little thing about me-as-future-fitness-client: I am acutely sensitive to the awful messages society sends women, and I see the link between those shaming messages and eating disorders and of course fat prejudice.
In short, I’m a middle-class thirty-seven year old North American woman who is not as healthy or as “hot” (sigh) as I’d like to be and I’m willing to throw my time, money and effort at the problem.
If you’re a trainer, or a fitness coach, I AM YOUR MARKET and positively ITCHING to give you my money.
How NOT to Market Online (Contempt is Probably Not Your Best Strategy)
And how do I find you? The internet. I google you and then I read your blog. So good on you for having a blog so I can find you and get to know you.
Too bad you didn’t take any time to get to know me, your target market.
Because if you did, and I’m the kind of person you’d want to train, then you’d know that I have a profound political and personal aversion to shame and so shaming me is not terribly inviting, effective or profitable.
But it is rampant. On a regular basis, fitness coaches and trainers – especially ones with women as their target market – blog things like this:
- talking about how disgusting fat is
- talking about going to a kids birthday party and counting every item of food the chubby kid ate
- talking about obesity as a disease or an epidemic
- talking about their fear of food
- talking about kicking my ass
- talking about other people – fat people – being lazy or unfit or lacking in character
- talking about how they’re going to beat the weakness out of me or run me until I puke
These things do not me move. They especially do not move me to hand you my credit card.
Why not?
Because you don’t even like me and I only do business with people I like and who like me back.
And because I don’t sign up for shame and abuse. There is a very limited niche for that sort of thing and it involves dungeons and whips and no one calls it “fitness”.
How To Market Online: Love Your Customer, Baby
If I could find a fitness coach or a trainer who was about health rather than fat-shaming – and who explicitly made the connection that fat-shaming is political and impermissible – I would be in. All in. Money-and-testimonials-and-glowing-blog-shout-outs-and-downward-dogs in.
So dearest, online fitness bloggers, trainers, and coaches, here’s an exercise that may prove enlightening:
Question: Who needs a trainer and is willing to pay for one?
Answer: Someone who values herself enough to pay for coaching to accomplish health-related goals.
Will shame resonate with that person? Is shaming your client a good a strategy?
Customer Relations: The Takeaway, For ALL Bloggers
Even if you’re not a fitness blogger, you can apply this lesson to your blog and your marketing.
Do you rant about how misguided people are? About how people just don’t get it, or your product? About how your product or service is a ticket to heaven and the rest of us are damned?
Please stop that right now. Love your customers or stop selling to them.
And that is all.
Love (really and truly – if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have said anything at all),
ps. Did I make you feel bad? Did it make you want to pay me?
pps. Since drafting this piece, I found two fitness coaches I like:
Adam Glass – of Walk The Road Less Traveled – who’s all about machismo feats of strength, listening to and learning from your body, and being the expert in your own progress. Adam works his ass off but isn’t that worried about appearance or shame. He’s invested in accomplishment. LOVE HIM.
Marianne Elliott – of Zen and The Art of Peacekeeping – is a peaceful yogini extraordinaire who asked me what my body needed for my 30 days of Yoga. Among other things, I said “lots of smooching, but I don’t think that you can help with that.” She then designed a routine for specifically for me called the “yogic body smooch”. LOVE HER.
Really hard to read. But some decent points made. Cheers.
Hey Kelly,
That is a good point you talk about. I do come across blogs that bash instead of providing good quality content that I’m going to love reading and continue reading.
One thing I learned early on, to provide great quality content that people want to read.
Have a great day…
I’m a fitness blogger, but not a trainer. The key is to give out valuable, unique information.
I have NO reason to hate my customers, since they give me money and make me rich, how can I hate them? I love them, just as I like money. :-)
@Josh, that’s the truth. Great content is always necessary. Your readers appreciate that. But to turn readers into customers, trust is necessary. Customers won’t pay you or buy from you if they don’t believe in you.
@Parth we all want to provide valuable, unique information. And I think we have to know who our readers are, and what they want, in order to do that.
@Young. Me too! I love my people. It is almost an obsession :)
It is so easy to fall into a subliminal sort of bashing. I argue this constantly – bashing smokers, over-weight people or whatever your vice may be will not induce change, or curry favor from anyone.
This is one of those “I wish I had said that” pieces.
Thanks for the excellent view point. I find the same type of contempt marketing is present offline.
I used to belong to a gym and train with guys that would try to motivate by ridiculing me for not being able to press over 300lbs. That was ok then I was 25 and in great shape & my man pride? responded to the abuse.
Today I am 52 and looking for a different type of trainer and having a tough time finding the right match. They all want to whip me into shape lol.
Also thanks for the bonus… I discovered your excellent blog through your link.
Take care.
Oh, Kelly Diels- I <3 you!
Excellent points. Definitely something to stay mindful of. Also being interested in being healthy (and lost weight, but more-so just feeling good/healthy/strong), I look forward to your follow-ups on these coaches on Cleavage. :)
It’s not about hating, it’s about creating fear in the mind of people and making them buy the products. This is not only true about online marketing but also with any other profession. When you go visit a clinic, do they make you feel comfortable or at ease? Instead all they will tell you is how severe it would have been if you had not come to us (may be true in some cases, but not all).
I will say it’s a good marketing tactic, works quite many times but may fail too. Depends upon how you look at it.
Nice post as always!
Kelly,
That is a critical point that you just made. As bloggers, many times we climb up really high on our soapboxes and try to educate the snot out of our customers, thinking that maybe we can make them feel crappy enough to buy something that will really turn their lives around.
However, the shame game just creates more contempt for the person dishing it out.
In the fitness world, it’s the reason why diets don’t work.
In the savings world, it’s the reason people don’t save enough money, because we are constantly shamed by the news and the debt collectors.
In the business world, it’s the same story.
However, I do believe that you can love your customer and still show them how they need to change something in their lives, but this is where the wording is critical. The customer needs to feel like they are in charge and that they are making the right decisions for themselves.
…now you’ve got me thinking. There are probably a few headlines I need to change on some of my sales letters. hmmm.
-Joshua Black
The Underdog Millionaire
Awesome post. We see this a lot in marketing to women / moms. Often, we’re all lumped into one category and treated as one ‘type’ of person. It’s so off putting that there are many products I won’t buy just because the marketing rubs me the wrong way.
I have been known to shame a little on my blog, and on twitter too, but it certainly wasn’t intended towards my audience… so I’m giving myself a pass :D
@Tom – so true, in all fields, not just fitness. We need to course correct a little bit, find out who our customers are, and give them what they want.
PS thanks for your sweet words
Kelly @ Not that difficult. You’re a professional or expert in your field, keep a close on eye on your Google Analytics keywords, and make it easy for your readers to ask you questions. Then just create content around that. Don’t need to meditate for hours and hours on it.
@Hal YES! you’re so right. Have you ever course-corrected because someone showed you what a miserable person you are? I haven’t. But when someone is good to me, and in the fight with me, and wants the best for me…oh wow. I SHOW UP.
Thank you so much.
@Parth – oh my method is exactly what you DON’T recommend. I’m all about the art, the meditation, the stewing for hours…I do the keywords and all of that on the backend, not the front.
That being said – it is working. I’m a full-time writer/blogger. We all find our own recipe.
I’ve found that in working hard sending people I don’t want to work with away…it reveals those that I really, really want to work with. Different approach…same strategy. It works though.
That being said, it’s like the parable of having a full cup…if your cup is full then I have nothing to teach you.
Sometimes not all of our customers like their behavior, often making irritation, many questions, makes us feel angry. This is often disrupt the market.
Hey Kelly- I’m really honored to be included in such an insightful, right-on post. Thank you for saying it, and for including my link. You rock.
@Nathan – that’s the red velvet rope (Havi Brooks/Mark Silver). That’s an entirely different thing. Speaking a certain language, with a certain ethic, brings your ‘right people’ to you and screens out the tire-kickers. That’s just fine and it is good for all parties. I’m talking about out-and-out contempt. That’s entirely different.
@Mark – you’re so welcome. I like your heart-centred way of doing business. It is something to emulate.
Well, call it what you want I guess, but I don’t think it’s different.
The contempt here is related to the fact that maybe you aren’t the right customer for that person…dontcha think?
@Nathan yes, absolutely. I’m not the right customer for that person. But I’m guessing that there is a large market of people just like me looking for a place to put their money. There’s a niche here…someone just needs to fill it.
And the point I’m trying to make: insulting your audience doesn’t inspire *anyone* to buy from you. Even your right people.
Like this: hot guy insults ugly girl. Pretty girl hears that and then thinks, I’m not going out with HIM. By insulting his un-customer, he just alienated his target market, too.
And you know I’m not talking about you, right? Please tell me you know I’m not talking about you. I like you lots and lots.
Of course I know that, didn’t think it for one minute :)
You did use the word “un” but I wont’ hold it against you.
I’m just saying that sometimes being an ass works. It’s like the soup nazi…like Gym Jones…they insult their customers, but they’re insanely successful.
However, I will agree that there is a place for people that operate in the manner you are suggesting. It’s not my cup of tea, but that’s how things like Kiva become successful.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that the gooey stuff turns me off in the same way contempt turns you off. Maybe it’s a gender thing? I don’t know, but I think that both the “heart centered” style and the “contempt” not-style come from the opposite end of the same spectrum. Does that make sense?
It’s not about hating, it’s about creating fear in the mind of people and making them buy the products. This is not only true about online marketing but also with any other profession. When you go visit a clinic, do they make you feel comfortable or at ease? Instead all they will tell you is how severe it would have been if you had not come to us (may be true in some cases, but not all).
I will say it’s a good marketing tactic, works quite many times but may fail too. Depends upon how you look at it.
Nice post as always!
PS: posting this comment again since its showing awaiting moderation for long time
Great points, Kelly. It is really all about loving the customer and making them feel fabulous about themselves–there is enough self-loathing already going on.
Great insight as always Kelly. In my niche (personal finance), we can get pretty condescending about people with high debt levels or poor spending habits. I’ve probably been guilty of that myself on occasion, although I do try to avoid it.
Still, it’s human nature to become frustrated when others don’t see truths that seem self-evident to us. Also, different people respond to different tactics. Some folks like gurus that really kick them in the rear. They feel like they need that kind of motivation. It’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s not right for someone else.
Everyone needs to rant once in a while. That’s part of the authenticity of blogging. I guess it’s just best to keep it reasonably polite and maybe avoid it altogether if you hope to sell a product to your readers. Thanks for making me think!
My blog is a very technical blog about height increase and growing taller. My readers would like more accessible language and terminology. The problem is that I use scientific studies to illustrate my point and there’s really no way to simplify the language. I mean anatomical parts of the body are called what they’re called.
It’s not so much contempt as necessity. I have pictures and everything but looking through a magazine like WebMD they simplify the language but at the expense of any useful information.
So, how do you approach your reader with easy to understand language without losing your message?
I’m no fitness blogger Kelly, but I love this post.
It’s so important that as bloggers, no matter what we’re writing about, we remember out audience and how our message will be received.
Thanks for the reminder.
30 days of yoga and a yogic body smooch no less -something I would love to try.
Ooh, well put. That’s a clear and striking message that needed to be said just the way you said it.
Hi Kelly,
I am sure that the lines that define you are just fine :) But I do take your point.
In fact I have just finished a very similar post over at my blog where I talk about knowing your reader. The post is called What everybody ought to know about their traffic.
I apologize for just dumping the url, but I do think it is a related read :)
Regards
Dave
I guess the old saying “the customer is always right” is the key point here.
An eye opener for all of us bloggers.
Thanks for the post.
Wayne Vassell, signing out…
;) Thanks for the shout out Kelly!
Awesome post, offering services has become a lot more level since the Internet. We can research, choose etc, and funnily enough customers don’t want a service from people with a superior manner who talk down to them and make them feel like they’re a bad person.
And the best thing, as you’ve pointed out, is that we don’t have to.
Yay to the Internet.
Great post.
I always try and keep my posts positive. Positivity and optimism are much better motivators than shouting and demeaning someone.
BRILLIANT!
I completely agree.
Off to RT it right now.
@Jeannie You’re intuitive…I’m incubating a piece on body image, goals and accomplishment in which I talk about both Adam and Marianne.
@Nathan Actually, that makes perfect sense.
And now that you point it out, I LOVE to have breakfast at a restaurant in Vancouver called the Elbow Room. Their tagline? “Food and Service is our name. Abuse is our game…”
The servers sit down at the table with me, touch me inappropriately, insult me and make me get my own coffee. It’s awesome.
I still think they love me, though :)
@Harsh fear probably does work. The beauty industry taps into it quite a lot. Fear of aging/not being pretty? Magic potions fix all.
But I’m wondering for a one-on-one business how useful fear is. If I feared my web developer, I’d never call her. And then she’d never get paid.
And that’s exactly what’s going on right now with my quest to find a coach/trainer.
@Elena Amen. And that is all.
@2 cents – I think it is part of our nature. To be part of a group is to have an inherent understanding that ‘belonging’ is only possible if people are outside of the group, too. Inclusivity is given shape by exclusivity.
I’m just throwing out a caution: who needs your services?
Someone who’s got money all nailed down? Or someone looking for a solution to a money problem?
Talk to your customer, not your peers. Your peers aren’t buying from you.
@Tyler – what about a page that is a glossary? Every time you’re using a word that isn’t common, link it to the glossary.
(You can even link to the space in the glossary page where that specific word appears, not just the page itself. Check out Dave Doolin’s Website in a Weekend. He has a tutorial on this at http://website-in-a-weekend.net/creating-content/practical-wordpress-tip-18-deep-link-internal-anchors/)
Or, for every weird word you use, you could link to a page defining that word, with a diagram or whatever other information would help define it.
That’s useful to your people (and it would increase your page views, too!).
@Shannon I’m really enjoying my yogic body smooch. Highly recommend it!
@Carlos thank you, my friend. Appreciate it.
@Wayne yes, exactly. I read a piece – I think it was by ittybiz – recently that said if you’ve got a business – online or off – you need address your message to your customers, not your peers.
@Amy yay, internet, indeed! And yay to people NOT talking down to us.
@Janice thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
Kelly,
point noted. It depends on industry as well. It definitely works for consumer products, not so much for information product.
Cool tip.
Some customers are not worth courting. I don’t know how large the “fat and proud weight loss” niche is, but I can see why some professionals would not be interested in indulging it–pun intended.
Overweight is one thing, but when you show up with a ton of baggage too, who wants to make room for that? Airplanes charge extra for this service, why shouldn’t trainers do the same?
Most trainers want someone who is willing to admit they have a problem, and who is willing to work towards the solution. Those are potential customers, and the marketing is addressed to them. People who are constantly protesting that they are totally hot as-is, lack any character issue, etc, are just not attractive customers. Whether they are correct or not.
Now WRT blogging, “why someone ought to serve my indignant needs” isn’t a very compelling message. I am the Problogger customer today; are you holding me in contempt?