Guest post by Jenny McCoy
Sometimes it doesn’t matter where you’re going; you just kinda enjoy the ride.
This is true of my blogging experience.
After sharing my vision of church services optimized for screaming babies and their snoring grandparents, my drinking companion responded with glazed eyes and an outdoor voice, “You should write books or something. I’d read them.”
So I tiptoed onto the blogging scene ten months ago with a WordPress.com account, a readership of six faithful friends and like most of you, a head full of ideas.
My blog was an escape, the final axe to my quarter-life crisis.
“What am I here for? What am I meant to do? Can I defer my 10-year reunion and escape the “Most Likely to Succeed” superlative expectations?”
Blogging gave me an answer, a direction.
I am here to write.
At first, this was enough. I wrote for my table of six devoted friends and I subscribed to sites like this one to adapt my craft.
“Comment! Network!” – Demanded the experts.
But I didn’t.
Sure, I knew the benefits that awaited commenters.
Traffic. Link building. An inbox overflowing with follow-up comment notifications.
But commenting for those reasons alone seemed so futile. So boring. So fake.
And then an a-ha! post from Blogussion about building community invaded my RSS feed and things clicked.*
Within minutes, I made my first real comment and within hours the twitchy giant responded and commented on my most recent post. Josh was the first person outside of my inner circle of obligation to comment on my blog; and while his thoughts on the Cupid Shuffle were not life-changing, his quick, genuine response did force a beautiful paradigm shift in my head.
I liked it and I wanted more.
Later that week, I connected with two GenY bloggers, landing my first guest post and two new Facebook friends – one an HR specialist in Philadelphia and the other a blogger and student in Amsterdam.
Suddenly it wasn’t just me and my laptop against the world. And I’m glad, because we weren’t holding up too well anyway.
Soon, I was mesmerized by a ProBlogger guest post and I continued to comment on this insanely smart woman’s site until she broke down and asked me to start a (dwindling) t-shirt company with her and to compose my second guest post.
And so it continued. Through comments, emails and Twitter @mentions I was able to:
- Land my third guest post and an interview as part of the “Up-and-Coming Bloggers” interview series
- Meet a fellow 20-something white person with subpar dancing skills and an awesome blog
- Connect with a humor author and journalist to get tips on manuscripts, grad degrees and videos with blowup dolls
- Get free assistance with an “Oh-my-God-I’m-Going-to-Shoot-Myself” issue with images on my homepage from a very generous developer who frequently helps people out on Twitter when he’s bored
All of this spawned from my prompted decision to become more than a writer and a reader –to become an integral part of the blogging community.
My advice: Find relationships that matter.
Many of us dream of hosting A-List blogs. We dream of earning a respectable income by writing about the topics we know and love.** And these dreams are often derived from a larger goal: to break away from the bureaucracy our college degrees earned us and to make an existence on our own terms.
With that said, why would you make any part of this experience inauthentic?
Connect with people you like. Offer your thoughts with no expectation in return. Meet people in your niche or use web transparency to connect with people who live drastically differently lives than you. Whatever your choice, create an online existence that means something.
Take the cryptic, final words of Christopher McCandless, “Happiness is only real when shared” and apply them to your blog.
Do you have your own blogging community? Share. I’d love to hear your thoughts and I may even want to catch a ride.
*This click shared an eerie resemblance to the click that allowed the clutch-to-gas ration to finally align in my brain after nine months of sputtering failure, but it was much less expensive.
** With Mimosas and incomes large enough to pay for the breeding of a miniature elephant that can be walked on a leash and eat party peanuts. Just me?
Jenny McCoy prefers writing to climbing ladders, but does a little of both. She once brought sexy back in a High School Musical bathing suit and her addiction to Venn diagrams is rivaled only by her love for Microsoft Paint masterpieces. Take a break from your work day and check out her (admittedly) wacky blog at WorkinOnARamp.com.
Jenny that’s a very entertaining post. Nice story and it’s crazy how far you’ve gotten since when you just started. Blogging really does become part of a person’s life more than anyone can imagine until they actually get a blog going. Glad to have been there in the beginning to help out.
I actually liked the part when you said things sort of “clicked”. I had moments like that before too. those where the times I felt like I’m closer than ever to conquer the world. Lol.
My own blogging community? I’d say the core of my community lies around my circle of friends. They’re a mix of top bloggers to newbies. and I don’t mind. I value them equally and I see that they’ve made my blog worth more than anything else.
-Liane
I think you summed it up perfectly when you said, “Find relationships that matter.”
Often people are commenting just to grab a backlink or to get noticed but the comments that are truly the most effective are the ones where you are actually reaching out and engaging in the conversation with the author. As you mentioned, comments like these can actually trigger incredibly fruitful relationships. And by fruitful, I don’t mean simply because they lead to opportunities, but sometimes simply because that person adds value to you through their attitude or their wisdom. And that’s important.
This is why I don’t care if the comment section is follow or nofollow. I don’t care if the blogger is caught up in the KeywordLuv or CommentLuv trend or not. I just want to comment on blogs where I think real conversation is taking place. I just want to comment where I think that I can really connect with people.
Great post, by the way. It’s absolutely terrific. I’m taking that quote back with me. “Find relationships that matter.” Thank you for it.
that’s totally nice
but i think it’s to earlier for me to think about this :P
This is such a great post. Definitely gives me more to think about within my blogging goals, and my own little community on the web. :)
I started blogging, not to long ago, to find personal motivation and accountability. I thought I was blogging for myself and to hear myself speak. But then I got comments and I visited other sites and I found the most amazing sense of community and support. It is amazing. And unexpected. I love it.
I am now where you were. Watching and learning, wanting in.Your insight has brought me one step closer to taking the plunge. I’m not a natural writer and a horrible speller but have a wealth of knowledge to share. Although well educated, I am more of a visual thinker. So here I sit… one step closer thanks to you.
Hi Jenny,
I love to come across fellow Red Shoe Bloggers! I’m sure you know exactly what I mean when I say that.
I agree with you, there is nothing like the feeling you get when someone reads what you wrote and has a opinion on it – good, bad or indifferent, it’s just the idea that they cared enough to type a comment or a question.
My blog is very new, only 6 weeks old, but my small blogging community has been built around the blogs that I LOVE, usually I read something that speaks to me and make a comment, they take a look at my blog and it gets born from there. I’ve also found that twitter helps to expand these relationship and it’ really a wonderful thing.
Thanks for sharing your blogging plight; it was extremely interesting, entertaining and valuable.
Wow, I’m glad I read this. I’ve been blogging for a couple of years and have reached the heights of at times 60 or more comments on my blog, and I was spending enormous hours reading and commenting in an obligatory fashion, that I was hurting my body and not getting enough art or writing done or enough life away from the computer. Because of that I stopped going to many of the blogs, and my audience dwindled. Through twitter I am finding so many beautiful people and blogs that I love, but I know now that I simply can’t get to them all all of the time. However, it is genuine now, and I’ve stopped commenting when my connection isn’t visceral to a blog topic. Often, I love the people behind the writing, but the writing does not resonate, or the blog authors spend most of their time posting advice or other people’s writing. It feels important to me to go to other writers blogs to see their work, and be moved by it. So you can see why I’d be moved by your post, as this has been a weighty issue in my mind and I’ve felt some loss by not returning to some of the blogs and losing connections with the people behind them. Luv this, got here by @taojoannes rt of this lovely post.
Haha, I love this, and like most bloggers, can certainly relate! I’m currently in the writing-for-a-handful-of-faithful-friends category.
This is probably a completely moronic question, but how do you FIND blogs to comment on? Is there a directory somewhere that lists blogs by topic?
The title alone on this post was awesome. Yes, it totally made me read it, job well done ;-)
Aside from that I like how you just flat out took action. I believe you give lead to many other people who think they aren’t ready for guest posting. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been blogging. Do you provide awesome, relevant and valuable content?
That’s the big key. Love your quirky blog and how you just “stand in what you’re about.”
Oh not to mention you’re in FL too, that double rocks lol. Congrats on all of your success so far you’ve created.
I’ve come back to blogging after a two year break and have been surprised by the shifts resulting from the recent exponential growth in twitter. My immediate impression is that community is migrating to twitter – plus so much available material now to scan that people conserve energy – look in but don’t comment as much as they did. Think there’s more of a divergence now between those looking for a social blog, and info seekers. Interesting, different post!
@Robby – Thanks! I’m glad I stumbled upon your site as well. That was one of the most entertaining parts early on was getting to know people like you who were on different continents but still passionate about blogging and writing in general. It definitely is difficult to explain to people just how refreshing writing a blog is. I’ve tried to encourage several of my friends to start their own blogs, but so many of them still view blogging as the melodramatic MySpace deals that used to be so popular.
@Liane – Yes, those “click” moments are hard to come by, but so worth it. I’ve had a few so far and it’s honestly kind of like a high that once it wears off you start chasing it again, except not in the bad-you-need-to-go-to-rehab way. That’s great that you have a close knit already. Every blog has a different purpose, and for some, that close knit is really all that is necessary. Whenever I start aiming for a higher RSS or email subscription number I always stop and ask myself, “What is the point? Why will 500 RSS subscribers make my blog better than if it has 250?”
@ Thanks Nicholas! I’m a subscriber of your blog and always enjoy your posts :) I completely agree with you. One of the blogs I linked to, LifeWithoutPants.com is a fantastic example of they type of blog I enjoy commenting on. The conversations taking place on Matt’s blog are genuine and often, I’ll subscribe to new blogs just by reading the depth of the comment left by some of his readers. I’m glad that I can’t stomach the comment-gaming strategy because in the end, if this becomes a full-time deal for me, I want to enjoy it. Looking forward to getting to know you more!
@hokya You’d be surprised. I do think you need a little content built up before you really start networking so that people have enough to read and get to see your style, but you may be able to still form relationships that will help you get to that phase.
@ Thanks Heather! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Aren’t little internet communities the best?
@ Thanks Shannon. Oh I totally know what you mean when you say “red shoe bloggers” haha. I agree completely with your statement about Twitter. Often it’s a comment on a blog followed up by an @ mention on Twitter that creates a great new relationship with a blogger I really enjoy reading. It’s funny because I still have non-Internet nerd friends who think I’m crazy for being on Twitter, but Twitter has been one of the primary sources of growth for my online networking and blog traffic. Looking forward to checking out your blog :)
@Sheila – Thanks! Not a moronic question at all! What I’ve found is that when you find a good blog with a great community like LifeWithoutPants.com, the people who are commenting and the blogs that writer is linking to, are generally blogs that you’ll enjoy and want to immediately subscribe to. It’s a very viral thing. I also have joined sites more specific to my target audience. It seems there’s a blogging community for everything now. For example, I joined 20sb.net, a community for 20-something bloggers. From there, I looked at who had been nominated for awards and who had one and I added all of them to my RSS. From that point it was just a matter of weeding out the ones I really liked. I try to add at least 10 new blogs to check out each week. Just a couple ideas.
@Tony – Thanks! I really believe that if you’re passionate about what you’re writing about and you’re passionate about pursuing blogging, the pursuit and taking action just comes naturally. There are times when I look at the clock on a Tuesday and it’s 1:30 a.m. and I’m still working away at something. I don’t mind the next day drowsiness because it’s something I really and genuinely enjoy doing. I totally agree that it’s never too soon to branch out and try guest posting. Guest posting gives you the opportunity to see what someone else’s community thinks about your style and good or bad, that provides value and makes you a better writer. Points back for a fellow Floridian! We’ll have to get in touch..
Being a relatively new blogger, I find it difficult sometimes to find those who will give you the time of day; even when your efforts are genuine and of quality. I think a lot depends on the niche that your blog belongs; some niches and groups support each other more than others. Whereas politics for example, has more of a competitive nature.
Anyone have any good suggestions for younger, liberal blogs? Other than the larger, more obvious ones?
I love the ‘happiness is only real when shared’ quote. My favorite thing about the web is that it’s a free place to learn, full of generous people to connect with. Yes, it sometimes seems that everyone is trying to sell you something or other, but there’s a lot of useful stuff out there, from people telling you their favorite way to sew a fabric grocery bag to sharing their experience of going a week without sleep and a colic-y baby. As you find more and more people that have similarities with it, makes you feel less alone and at the same time expands your comfort zone as you meet people who are also very different from you.
Jenny,
Congrats on getting your guest post here. Thanks for the shout outs. It’s been an amazing journey so far hasn’t it. To think that we’re only in the first year of something that will probably last quite a long time and have a significant impact on our lives. I love the way you break it down :).
Jenny, you’re the greatest. You deserve all the good things that are coming to you. Thanks for the mention. I’m still waiting for that Pressfield Interview:)
Dear Darren,
Each time I visit your blog I decide to read all your articles and come here everyday to learn more with you, but I´m a writer, and I keep writing and teaching everyone everything I know, because I´m also an expert on scientific dream interpretation.
I followed your advice and my most important blog (which now I update everyday) is now appearing at the first page when someone types its main keywords.
The only advice I didn´t follow was to look for blogger-partners. I have a big problem on making relationships online, because it takes too much of my time, while I have so much to write about… and most people are too busy with their own plans…
However, all my knowledge and everything I teach everyone still doesn´t reach a large audience, exactly because I don´t have the indispensable relationships you have mentioned in your article.
Could you show us, who have difficulty on finding the right relationships and have no talent for that, how we could immediately find blogger-partners who would like to exchange links, posts, create JVs, etc…?
Thank you!
That website box always presents a dilemna, as I have to pick just one of my 3 blogs to enter. Tisk!
I really enjoyed your entertaining, yet poignant post, and share many mutual experiences in my own journey into this life-changing activity.
As soon as I sign off here, I’ll be perusing your blog to see where our interests cross. Maybe there is a guest post exchange in our futures!!!
There are so many fly by night bloggers out there. Everyone is trying to break into the picture and make money. It’s tough to wade through it all sometimes. I think you took the right approach.
Your title was enough to capture my attention. Well done.
I have trouble building relationships with other bloggers in my niche…because, well, they are non-existent. My blog is completely dedicated to singing and vocal technique, and I cannot find active bloggers in this niche.
I truly appreciate your candidness. Reminds me that we do this fun, not just for cash. You outta write for The Onion.
Thomas
Absolutely find the meaningful relationships! There is no point whatsoever in forcing relationships that are half-assed just because you are following some kind of blogging guru plan for success. I delete probably 50 fake comments a day, that serve no other purpose than to promote back links to the commenter’s site. I refuse to make those kinds of comments on others’ sites.
When a real releationship is created, both parties will benefit. That’s what matters.
W
You state,
“Traffic. Link building. An inbox overflowing with follow-up comment notifications.
But commenting for those reasons alone seemed so futile. So boring. So fake.”
These reasons can get old and it seems if you think beyond this type you actually get farther. To comment and network with others that may be struggling or may just need boost of encouragement can go along ways.
I’ve had a similar experience. My blog is just over one year old. When I started out I had a clear purpose about what I wanted to do with my blog.
Now my blog has “two faces”. I still use it for its initial purpose (as a publishing platform for genealogical information) but the community part (around genealogy & deltiology) has grown to where it’s now my primary focus.
I’ve had well over a thousand comment this year and these comments have shape where my blog is going and stretched me as a blogger.
Thanks for sharing,
Evelyn in Montreal
Sweet. Nice post. Authentic. Loved it.
…. reminds me of the inspiration behind my blog. I’m a dog trainer. Lots of dog trainers have blogs now. They write about the same old sH*t…. potty training, barking, jumping… blah….
I decided to write about the real stuff dogs are about… how they reflect our own behavior… how they can teach us to chill out…. or how we in fact teach them to be nervous wrecks….
… and people started following… way more than when I was writing about how to get your dog to not pee in the house anymore….
… now I’ve started learning from these Dude’s …. like Darren. It gets better and better. Love bringing my business to the web through a blog….
I find it amazing that it seems that many times the same topic is on a lot of people’s minds.
I was directed to this post by Heather from Notes from lapland who sent me an email saying that after reading my last two posts (feb 27 and 28th), she thought of me while she was reading this post and she sent me the link. (I never would have found it if I had not been pointed in the right direction)
What you said definitely resonated with me.
Good for you!
@Robby – Thanks! I’m glad I stumbled upon your site as well. That was one of the most entertaining parts early on was getting to know people like you who were on different continents but still passionate about blogging and writing in general. It definitely is difficult to explain to people just how refreshing writing a blog is. I’ve tried to encourage several of my friends to start their own blogs, but so many of them still view blogging as the melodramatic MySpace deals that used to be so popular.
@Liane – Yes, those “click” moments are hard to come by, but so worth it. I’ve had a few so far and it’s honestly kind of like a high that once it wears off you start chasing it again, except not in the bad-you-need-to-go-to-rehab way. That’s great that you have a close knit already. Every blog has a different purpose, and for some, that close knit is really all that is necessary. Whenever I start aiming for a higher RSS or email subscription number I always stop and ask myself, “What is the point? Why will 500 RSS subscribers make my blog better than if it has 250?”
@ Thanks Nicholas! I’m a subscriber of your blog and always enjoy your posts :) I completely agree with you. One of the blogs I linked to, LifeWithoutPants.com is a fantastic example of they type of blog I enjoy commenting on. The conversations taking place on Matt’s blog are genuine and often, I’ll subscribe to new blogs just by reading the depth of the comment left by some of his readers. I’m glad that I can’t stomach the comment-gaming strategy because in the end, if this becomes a full-time deal for me, I want to enjoy it. Looking forward to getting to know you more!
@hokya You’d be surprised. I do think you need a little content built up before you really start networking so that people have enough to read and get to see your style, but you may be able to still form relationships that will help you get to that phase.
@ Thanks Heather! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Aren’t little internet communities the best?
@ Thanks Shannon. Oh I totally know what you mean when you say “red shoe bloggers” haha. I agree completely with your statement about Twitter. Often it’s a comment on a blog followed up by an @ mention on Twitter that creates a great new relationship with a blogger I really enjoy reading. It’s funny because I still have non-Internet nerd friends who think I’m crazy for being on Twitter, but Twitter has been one of the primary sources of growth for my online networking and blog traffic. Looking forward to checking out your blog :)
Jenny
It is so interesting that in social media that we have to remind people to find relationships that matter. Social media is new to many and the need to be noticed and liked and a part of the A-listers group has socially paralyzed us. For some it is a defining moment when they are noticed by someone big when the defining moment should be from within and something to share with people/relationships that matter. When working with clients they are quick to want the high numbers as high number of followers, fans would equate to more sales. While this point cannot be 100% disputed, I find myself explaining relationships and how they are built in social media. It is not their fault, it is what they have been taught and have to rethink how they do business with the online community.
I love connecting with people who I feel that fit into my community and more importantly where I fit into theirs. To what degree is the relationship for both and how do we manage it so that we are staying focused on the people that matter and not the numbers.
If we all were in the mindset of finding relationships that matter, we would have such a strong community as whole and individually.
@SuzanneVara
Find relationships that matter… what a great line. You’re right. Instead of following people that don’t care about me or what I do, I should connect with people who actually will talk to me and respond. Very well put. That would make me happy.
Find relationship that matter, you have got this very right and whatever you have mentioned here is just right.
Great story Jenny! It really is about relationships. Too many people get caught up in the money side and neglect everything else when it’s those relationships, that will make you money and not just that but allow you to grow into who you’ve always wanted to be.
What’s wrong with the middle finger? :-)
Great post!
Recently I been trying to start my own online business so I could make an extra income because my current part time job at Disneyland barely allows me to pay the rent and bills.
I have been doing a lot of learning and I came to the same kind of conclusion that you have written about and that is that I love to write.
I was thinking about it this morning as I made breakfast about how I love to tell stories and that I want to share my stories and experiences with others and also find ways to make money at the same time.
Everything about Internet Marketing that I have been coming across lately is about first connecting with people and forming relationships then if you have something to offer them that is more valuable to them then what you ask for in return then you create a win- win situation which is great for everyone!
Also I keep finding that it seems the best way to make sales of any products be it physical or digital, your own or something your promoting is by first giving away things of great value to those who might later want to buy from you because you have already given them something or many things of great value so they then value you and trust you.
I hope to continue to add value and share with others and help people in any way that I can.
Thanks again for the great post!
Jen aka Kittykat7983
@Suhasini – Thanks!
@Mike – Great to see you over here. Thanks! I completely agree. I would obviously like to make money from this whole thing eventually, but I’m not sure that my blog is where that income will come from. Maybe it’s not as much of an all-in-one deal as so many people try to force..
@Technology Slice – Okay fine, the next article will be all about showing that middle finger :)
Jenny,
Great post. I noticed you started on wordpress. If you knew what you know now, would you have still started there? Or would you have purchased your own website through one of the many host companies (like go-daddy for instance)?
Thanks
MJ
@Wastingtime – Glad to hear it. I was surprised as well at just how friendly and willing to help the blogging community is. It’s definitely refreshing in contrast to the sometimes opposing experience in the “real world.”
@TheYoungLib It definitely seems like there would be a community out there for that exact crowd. Maybe search through Google Blog results for various keywords. Usually, if you can just find one or two that is the gateway to many more. Good luck!
@Wendy – Glad you enjoyed that quote. It is one of my favorites out there. It’s definitely refreshing to find people who share your interests or a similar view point (in my case, a quirky sense of humor) and I completely agree that it makes the whole process of blogging so much more worthwhile.
@Srini and @Josh – Thanks for stopping by! It’s been great forming relationships with you two so far and I look forward to much more collaboration in the future.. opening up that guest post word doc as I type.. like right now.. okay.. maybe now.. or now.. Josh :)
@Christina – I know you’re asking Darren, but I’d like to suggest that you make a small goal of maybe contacting just one to two bloggers a week. Maybe the issue isn’t time for the task but rather viewing the task as too big to tackle.. one to two relationships a week would give you a great network very quickly :)
@ Carrie – Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it and I’ll return the blog checkout favor. Hope you enjoy my blog!
@ SurgeryHouston – Thanks! I’m glad you’re taking the same approach as I really do feel like a genuine approach is really the only way to go.
@Thomas – Thanks! Glad my title did the magic trick of getting you to click through. I really do try to bring a little more fun to my writing.. and I am quite the fan of The Onion. I have thought about sending them an application before, haha.
@Wendy S. – I’m glad you share my sentiment. I completely agree that one real relationship far outweighs 20 fake relationships.
@Chris – That’s a great way to approach commenting. I’ve seen a few people complain before about A-list bloggers not getting back to them in the comment section and I always wonder why they don’t reach out to smaller blogs. Great point.
@Evelyn – That’s great! I’m interested to see the dual focus of your blog. I haven’t seen many blogs with that separation. Thanks for reading!
@K9Coach – Glad to hear you broke out of the echo chamber in your niche. Those are the blogs I enjoy reading most. Maybe I’ll subscribe even though my plans for a puppy addition are a few months away, haha.
@Susie – I’m glad you were pointed here and I’m glad it made a little difference in your blogging strategy :)
@SuzanneVera – I completely agree. Metrics are great but as Seth Godin points out in one of my favorite books “Tribes” it’s not always pure numbers that make the difference or spell success. Unfortunately, a good deal of the corporate world still revolves around these numbers but the amount of anecdotal evidence of the strength of fewer relationships with more depth seems to be growing. Thank God, right?
@JewelrySecrets – Thanks! I hope this strategy works for you :)
In answer to your question, yes, I do have a community. It’s a small one, since my blog is only a few months old, but the community part is so important to me, and I really do like to focus on that aspect of it.
a good advice and guiding for the bloggers and commenters.
from the blog and other people’s comments, you will find the different ideas of the different people, that can enlarge you view. good.
@Jen – That does seem to be the formula many use to make a living online. I’m not sure personally that that is the exact route I’ll take. I may want to leave my community the way it is and build out different sites that will be geared more toward creating a residual income from blogging. Great that you’re looking to join the online crowd :)
@Mark – I started on WordPress.com primarily because I wasn’t sure which domain I wanted for my blog. As soon as I figured that out, I bought the domain on GoDaddy and installed the WordPress App. I do SEO during my 9-5 so I wanted to get the domain history started a.s.a.p. and make sure I didn’t have to deal with permalink issues later in the process. Now though, when I start sites, I just wait to start them until I know the domain and I can start up on GoDaddy.. does that answer your question?
@HearMumRoar – That’s great that you already have a community despite the size of your blog. I’m definitely a proponent of small, meaningful communities :)
Man, this is such a great post! I have entered a terrific blogging community in my niche (weight loss blogging), and I’m so thankful that I’ve found them! The power of blogging is incredible – the relationships are real and have made a positive influence in my life.