Image by JettGirl
Today I was scanning through some emails from readers and it struck me that so many of those that I hear from are suffering from a similar ailment. Let me share a few excerpts from emails I received today and see if you can spot what it is:
“Darren, I’m just a small blogger but was wondering….”
“I’m no A-list blogger but I wanted to let you know…..”
“I’ve only got 70 readers a day….”
“My RSS reader counter is embarrassing….”
“I don’t know any HTML…. I feel like I have so much to learn….”
“I’m just starting out and don’t know much about blogging…..”
“In comparison to others I’m just a small fry….”
“I don’t write as well as they do….”
Notice something about all of these emails?
They all define themselves by something that they are not achieving, that they don’t know, that they don’t have….
Many of them are also based upon a comparison with others.
While I understand why they do this (many are emailing asking for advice and it’s logical to present a problem in such an instance) I wonder if it is also a little more than that.
My suspicion is that many of us as bloggers think of ourselves in similar ways and have “blogger inferiority complex“.
There’s are 3 problems with this type of thinking:
1. The impact it has on You
The main problem with defining yourself with words that describe what you are NOT is that it impacts the way that you think about yourself. I strongly believe that the words we use to talk about ourselves (spoken and thought) impact us.
No I’m not going to get you chanting positive mantras about yourself with the promise of it magically transforming your life but I do think that if you’re continually thinking of yourself in terms of what you are NOT that it has an impact and can be a limiting factor on what you ARE.
Also when your view of yourself is tied to what others do and achieve it can also be very limiting and stop you from actually be something that distracts you from your own true potential (more on this later).
My wife often encourages her friends to be more positive about themselves by using the concept of ‘self fulfilling prophecy’. Sometimes when all we can see is what we can’t do or have not achieved it’s too difficult to move past it and these things not only are our present but they become our future also.
“If we did all of the things that we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” – Thomas Edison
Edison is right – each of us has amazing potential, however unless we learn to see what we have and can do rather than focus upon what we can’t or what others are doing we’re likely to even catch a glimpse of what we can do let alone ever achieve it.
2. The impact that it has on your Readers
While most of the negative definitions of ourselves are generally kept to ourselves or are only spoken about in private – at times they do creep into our blogging and can impact our readers.
Sometimes this happens explicitly (I regularly see people apologizing to readers about the things that they don’t do well) and sometimes it happens more subtly.
I’m not arguing that we should pretend to be something that we’re not and to only talk about the positives in our lives (I think being transparent and honest with readers about our failures can actually be powerful) however when the negative self view becomes the dominating one it can’t help but impact readers.
If you can’t be positive about yourself why would your readers be?
3. The impact it has on other Bloggers
In a similar way – when you talk about yourself in terms of what you’re yet to do, achieve or become your words can impact other bloggers also. I noticed this particularly at the recent SXSW conference where there was a wonderful room set up specifically for bloggers.
As I interacted with bloggers I noticed three groups of people:
- Those who pumped up themselves and their blogs beyond the reality of them. The ego and arrogance of this group (a real minority of those I met I should add) was something to behold!
- Those who defined themselves by what they are not. Just like the email excerpts above this group quite often introduced themselves with a ‘I’m just a small blogger….’
- Those who seemed to have a healthy blend of positivity and humility
It was interesting to see how these three groups of bloggers were received by other bloggers that were in the room. Group one was sniggered about, Group two tended to be talked to politely but people quickly moved on and Group 3 tended to be the ones that people gravitated towards. This third group was also the ones that seemed to get a lot of links after SXSW from other bloggers who were there.
If you want to grow your profile with other bloggers in your niche then I think it’s really important to get the balance right.
How to Define Yourself More Positively
Ironically this post has become a little negative hasn’t it! I’ve just spent the last 850 words talking pointing out how many of us have the problem of pointing out the problems in our lives….
Yes I do see the irony in this, however before I offer some more positives suggestions on how to dig yourself out of a negative framework it’s important to talk about the problem itself (the purpose of this post).
So how do you turn your negativity around and become a more positive blogger in the way that you think about yourself and your blog? I’ve got a post lined up for tomorrow with some of my ideas on the question but in the mean time I’d love to hear your suggestions.
I’m glad that you are addressing this issue! I agree and I have fallen into this trap myself. We need to get comfortable with who we are as bloggers and the value we provide our readers. If you can’t do this, then you probably shouldn’t be blogging. Thanks for bringing this issue to light. I look forward to your ideas on how to deal with this more effectively!
“Argue enough for your limitations…and sure enough, they’re yours.” — Richard Bach.
I’ve had several lifetime’s worth of self-deprecating feelings – enough is enough. I now consciously choose to always view myself as the #1 writer/blogger in whatever I do. It might not be true, of course…but so long as I believe it, I write like it. Makes all the difference in the world.
Enjoy,
Barbara
I must admit, I used the words “I am not…” in a post today but on the whole tend not to refer to what I am or am not.
I think that I have something to offer and that is my opinion. Only I can have MY opinion and, to me, that is worth something.
Only when we have a range of opinion can we see the true value in someting so, even if blogging in a crowded niche, the odd gem can shine through.
I second you on this, Darren. When psychology is at work, it shows us the things that we’re not more significantly than things we actually are.
While some would over-do what you have mentioned as “defining them more positively”, by portraying something out of them which they actually aren’t, these people tend to succeed more than the people who go down with their own inferiority.
By being publicly inferior, you are communicating a message to everyone who listens that you’re not someone who should be looked upto and someone worth listening to.
I remember that most people exude negativity about things because those are the things they wish they could do, master, come to terms with, be like, etc.
I know I’ll never please everybody, but at least I can please myself. After all, one of the greatest pleasures in life is doing what others say you cannot do.
I once saw this tv show that told you to never underestimate yourself, because then you would fail in everything you do.
Interesting topic. I’m afraid I fall into that category & didn’t even realize it! I have always felt like I don’t measure up to other bloggers because I have nowhere near the traffic of many blogs — and I’ve been at this for over 2 yrs! However, I try to recognize that I’m in a very crowded niche (mom blogs). And I feel better when I remind myself that I get overwhelmingly positive responses from readers, even if I don’t have that many of them…YET!
It’s good to focus on how you’re improving instead of where you are compared to more established bloggers. Today I’m celebrating going from PR0 to PR2. Alternatively, I could complain that I’d rather be at PR4, 5, or 6, but I see that as destructive instead of constructive.
I write down many small milestones. Even if I never go back and look at them, I find that the habit of writing them down gets me in the habit of appreciating what I have.
1) I keep positive by I viewing my posts as worthwhile and insightful, even if only one person reads it. In the martial arts world, I have taught self defense and karate to one person and to hundreds, and I always gave it my best. Why? I believe in the message, and it’s the same with my blog writing.
2) I am one of those beginners, and it seems like a loooong way to go, but I know the potential for everything I want in a blog is there if I want to apply the knowledge of this site and have patience. I have faith in the process of improvement.
3) Writing has been a love/hate affair for me over the years, but blog writing brings out a freedom and creativity I really enjoy. If I count out the number of blogs I might have to write in the future, I could get overwhelmed, so I just focus on the one in front of me. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” I believe in the journey.
4) I realize some of the silly beginner mistakes are really pretty easy to fix, and they are just stepping stones to success. I believe in the learning process.
Darren, I run a huge, successful blog. I probably make 3 times the money you do. Go learn something from me.
I can understand the disappointment of these bloggers when they write to you. Being newbies, they have probably thought that generating internet traffic and building a successful blog is something easy to do. There are many blogs and e-books out there that paints a nice and easy picture of making a living online.
Thus, when they write to you, they are probably at that stage where they realize that it’s not what it seems to be. Blogging, or being successful in any type of Internet Business, is not limited to launching a website, writing blog posts and sitting back to wait for the cash to pour in.
The reality is, building traffic and a subscriber base requires a lot of hard work and time. Just like any other business, effort needs to be poured in before the fruits can be seen.
Perhaps a good point to stress in your next post would be the need for new bloggers to understand about the work, time, commitment, perseverance and the determination needed for success. Of course, doing the right things, and planning your course are also important aspects in making an online business an income generating machine.
Cheers, Samantha Tang
I was recently dealing with someone who couldn’t, for the life of her, start a single sentence without referring to something she was lacking.
Her argument went, “But its true! I don’t have that quality!”
I practically sweated over it trying to explain to her that what isn’t and what is don’t matter one whit if you focus on what one wants. True, deficiencies exist. But so do unique qualities.
“What you focus on, expands…” to fill your mind, your life.
I wrote a post about this some time ago:
http://www.vmohanty.com/2008/04/why-you-should-plan-for-good-times.html
hi darren,
well.. i guess this shld be classified as an personal development motivational article?
i take it as we must develop our own brand/identity and in doing so, stop comparing ourselves with more established bloggers?
just be ourselves… if we cant even have decent potrayal or image of our own beliefs, what success can we hope to achieve for ourselves?
Darren, excellent post as usual. I have always struggled between type 2 (negativity) and type 3 (humility) as there is a very fine line of distinction there. I just launched a service this past weekend that got readwriteweb.com coverage. The interview came across mostly as humble, but I know some quotes were definitely about what I am not.
Group 2!
Just began blogging and I quite enjoy it. And like many of the startging bloggers, I have the feeling like I have to fight against the established bloggers.
There was this post I read, where it said that you should make use of the established bloggers and see them as friends rather then enemies. And that´s what I´m trying to do and I suggest the beginning bloggers try this as well.
The point Hunter_Nuttall has mentioned is also a nice one. Write down the accomplishments you have achieved over the time, and look back at them instead of looking forward to things you have not achieved yet.
Excellent topic! The Thomas Edison quote really made me stop and think. Your advice applies to so much more than blogging, doesn’t it.
I know I have struggled with this in the past. There are times I get frustrated, but I don’t want to have a pity party. I think it’s important to stay positive and it will show in your writing. It’s similar to what I tell my children, “I don’t want to hear can’t” If we put limits on ourselves then we won’t get past those limits. We need to set small goals and once we reach them, add another goal. If we look at the ultimate goal it will seem too big to achieve and may give up.
Three seems to be the magic number. Three months for small goals, three years for big ones. I have a daughter with Down syndrome and this has helped me a lot. Where will she be in three years? How will I help get her there. I can’t focus on when she is an adult. Sure, my ultimate goal is for her to live on her own and maybe one day get married if she finds that special guy, but right now she needs to learn to talk and to play well with others and get potty trained. I don’t worry about anything past three years and focus on the here and now of want I want her to accomplish in the next three months.
The same goes for my blogging. Where do I want to be in three years and what can I do in the next three months to help me reach that goal?
For the spirit, body, and mind, positive thinking and confidence are very important. The way a person thinks affects every aspect of their life, relations, and performance. Negative thoughts can cause severe and serious health issues like ulcers, stress, anxiety, and depression.
Though I think anyone who has a heart has been in self doubt, the sooner a person can accept themselves with all their flaws and lack of knowledge, the happier and more successful they can be.
Partly, it is just a maturity thing; insecurity tends to fade away with youth. Education, time, and life experience solve the insecurity problem.
The humblest of people I know are the most talented. If they could be more confident, they could soar to incredible success. Those people are young adults and surely will find their confidence along the way.
The power of the mind is a most amazing thing. Once a person can realize it, their life opportunities are limitless.
Great and important post.
Thanks for bringing it to people’s attention.
Sad for Jettgirl being the poster girl for an inferiority complex! ;)
I just wrote a couple of posts about this regarding people in general. I’m in the middle of a development series on the subject. Of course, bloggers are no different than anyone else. We’re all people, with the same attitude symptoms showing up anywhere in society.
Einstein also thought that doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome is a sure sign of insanity. A little comical, but a lot of truth in it. Without belief in the potential of oneself, we keep doing the same things over again in negative belief…..and, receive the same outcomes.
Your wife is a wise woman!
My wife recently told me I was putting out a string of negative posts, not necesarrily about my blog in particular, but my tone had become more of a series of rants than an uplifting message. I started out blogging to be that source of postive, uplifting messages about money, and it took her pointing this out for me to change directions.
Early on I found myself wanting to be more relvant, and I sounded a lot like the examples you gave (I only had 100 visitors today, I only have 50 subscribers, etc.). I stayed positive through that time by remember the very reasons I started blogging in the first place. It wasn’t to make money, sell ads, and gain subscribers, it was to help people by providing a resource for family finances.
What works for me: STOP COMPARING. I try to concentrate on my own blog, on writing to the best of my abilities about what I am passionate about.
I do enjoy visiting other blogs, reading and making comments, but I just don’t allow myself to compare anymore.
Wow really great write up.
This happens to everyone…
They say words are your prayers…what you say, what you write or what you perceive is what you attract..
That’s why the motivational gurus tel us to be positive all the time!!
Hi Darren,
I feel like things have almost come full circle. A ProBlogger guest post from about a year ago, inspired me to write a guest post at Marketing Pilgrim about how to be more positive about your blog. Here’s a link to that post: http://www.marketingpilgrim.com/2007/07/keeping-positive-blogging-advice.html
Very few people are comfortable in their own skin, why would these same people suddenly be comfortable showing off their virtual skin (aka blog) to a room full of people they assume have better blogs and ideas? Big bran plus lack of social skills = putting yourself down or puffing yourself up. People are scared of being themselves. More than almost anything else.
In most cases, I think people start out emails and conversations in a self-deprecating way because they don’t want to sound like know-it-alls. Most bloggers fall into that category of being not-quite-thought-leaders. They’re doing something new and interesting and they’re ahead of the curve, but not as far as they wish they were or would like to be. That is an uncomfortable place to be – you know more than 90% of the universe, but the 5% of the universe you wish you could be like are in front of you and you have to figure out how to talk to them like they put their pants on one leg at a time.
I’d love to have a chance to tell every newbie blogger to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get over that feeling of inferiority, but I can’t talk from a place of experience because I have been doing this a long time and I know that some people will like me, some won’t, and that’s okay. That is unnatural. People want to be liked, especially by people they consider rockstars. They just have a tendency to go about it in a way that shows just how scared they are to be making contact with someone they look up to.
Darren – great job of getting the laundry out in the air – and it is a sticky wicket to talk about a problem of negativity without being negative! Very important issue though. I write about creativity and imagination, and I call this area “creative thought.” All our thoughts are creating our reality in some way. The most powerful way to direct our thoughts is to use gratitude first, simply focusing on everything that IS working and being happy about it. Another thing I’ve done recently is to think about where I was a year ago. I know tons of things I had no clue about twelve months ago! So important to recognize these mountains we’ve scaled. And third, remember that all of us who have working blogs are way ahead of the general population. The stats on the millions of blogs around are misleading – a huge percentage of those are not actually functioning.
Look towards the opportunity, the potential, and let the excitement in! Bloggers are part of the virtual edge of innovation for the future of communication on this planet. Be proud to be a part of this creative adaptation.
Here’s a little shift for your brain: When you feel a little down, or the stuff you have to learn is just overwhelming, you are probably overstimulated. The brain responds to excessive demands by pulling back, so to speak, on the feel-good brain chemicals. All you need to do is take a real time out – get away from the monitor, go outside, get some movement going, and have some laughs. It will make all the difference in the world.
You are all amazing. Live it.
Love it.
Suzanna
After struggling awhile with stage 2, I became a proud member of stage 3!
Problem is that it got me in trouble with a certain group of people online in my industry who aren’t privvy to my reader stats, and who don’t see how I am sought out by PR reps and on the floor at trade shows as an industry source of news.
This particular crowd thought I was in stage #1 – inflated ego – because they are consumers and my site is targeted largely towards business people in the industry.
I spent some time defending myself on this issue and then decided to just ignore it and act like what I was. That turned out to be the better course.
Wow, nice eye-opener, thx. We’re can I get this treated? Me gonna be good ;-)
Good points here Darren and thanks for noticing these emotions and attitude in the comments.
A positive attitude and outlook is most essential to success. We may have it all – technical knowledge, writing skills and what have you .. but without the winner’s attitude we may always end up undermining ourselves.
I remember your post – i think it was the video post “blogging is like watching grass grow” so true and we do feel let down when we do not see the results and when we gauge our performance to those like you – who are there at a height unimaginable for those who get a few hundred hits a day ;)
So all must take on the tip you have here – define yourself positively and of course have a winners attitude.
Often comparisons get us down so best it to consdier those up there as your benchmarks (note: not destination) once you get there you can go beyond.. the point is plan and act accodingly on how to get there!
Best wishes,
again thanks for bringing up this issue and sharing your thoughts on this topic..
-Shweta @ Careerbright
Darren,
Thanks for this post! I’m on the threshold of starting a new blogging project, and the task before me is daunting! As I try to explain it to others, I find myself second-guessing my own abilities and knowledge. No more second-guessing for me!
I can’t wait to read your post tomorrow!
Sarah Austin
Darren—
What a fantastic service you are doing to the many blog writers who tune into your blog daily. It’s easy to compare ourselves to our fellow bloggers, especially when RSS feed numbers and Technorati ratings are hitting us in the face. Thanks for keeping us grounded and reminding us what really matters— the readers we’re writing FOR, whether that be 70 or 70,000.
In this vein I’m turning things around for myself through the use of an Action Log, This documents and celebrates small accomplishments rather than dwelling on what hasn’t been acheived.
http://distributedresearch.net/blog/2008/04/29/keeping-an-action-log-for-1st-person-research
Darren,
Good points! I think many of us don’t realize that we are all experts in something. Many people underestimate themselves.
I’ve got almost 20 years experience in the mortgage lending world and I need to remember that that experience counts for something when I’m blogging about what’s going on in the mortgage world.
Thanks!
Tom
Great point Darren,
People do define themselves by what they say. I agree it’s incredibly important to find that balance between having a positive, optimistic attitude without being an egomaniac.
Hi Darren,
Thanks for another great post. I guess this is another example of the law of attraction. When you focus on the negative (what you don’t have, what you think you’re not) you attract more of that. I all of us fall into this trap now and again in all aspects of our lives, not just blogging. Thanks for the reminder to focus on the positive :)
– Dave
PS The post above mine by Suzanna has some great advice too. Kudos!
Great points, and this carries over to every part of our lives. Focus does become fact! I love my blog, it gives me energy and I know it will continue to grow because I am growing with it. By the way, I have learned a ton from you in the last 30 days, Thanks!
Great post, Darren. I’m glad you didn’t get too preachy, and you made a very valid point- you are what you think you are.
Blogging isn’t easy, and some people are very well-known, others are not…yet. If you think you are a small fry, you are one…but if you think you have the potential to be spectacular…you will be. Just keep working hard. No one is perfect, and even the “experts” make mistakes. Don’t let yourself be your own worst obstacle.
be confident…be humble..be you!
Many people on the net tries to achieve things quickly.
Achieving anything in life depend investing and it’s does not matter if you invest your time/money of even both.
The difference between successful people and not so successful ones is only their point of view.
Everyone, and I mean everyone can be a success.
You just need to set you mind in to it.
When Edison failed on the 1000 time to invent the bubble lamp people told to quit and stop failures, his answer was very simple and describes the point of view issue.
I haven’t failed 1000 I have just found 1000 ways that it’s does not work.
Every failure just got him closer to his success.
Oh the irony of life.
It’s funny how sometimes I look at other bloggers and wonder how they get all the work done, reading others blogs, posting comments, responding to emails, social networking, writing new posts, etc. and I think “I don’t have enough time” then other events with greater urgency crop-up and I start to run out of even more time to get my blog work done.
Then I get a grip and get back into getting done what I need to do with the time I do have to blog.
Or I’ll go through the “argh, it’s not good enough” cycle and don’t post an article, then with several unfinished articles, and a week or more without posting I’ll get some unexcpected email from someone complimenting my blog or my writing and I’ll feel refueled and energized.
And the irony is I write about the Law of Attraction. When I realize that little hole I’ve dug myself into I laugh and jump back out…until I dig that hole again. Sheesh.
I could probably read this advice once a day and benefit from it.
I often think the deferential humility that seems part of the neophyte->perceived celebrity/expert stems from the locus of individual concern. In this case a concern improperly focused on a perception of self validation and assumed social hierarchy. The art of gaining confidence to shape and direct one’s sphere of concern is a worthwhile art and perhaps another perspective on the issue. I suspect that the bloggers in group 3 have a ebullient and connective outward-directed sphere of concern that seems infectious to people because it is self-evident that they have channeled confidently into their inner passions.
Thanks Darren. I’m so glad you wrote about this today of all days. I was feeling down because other mommy bloggers were getting much more traffic than me for the same post topic. I know success in the blogosphere is a long haul and I’m up for the challenge because I love it but sometimes the road gets rough. I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s post but for now you (and Suzanna) have given me food for thought.
Great insights and timing – SOBCon is only two days away!
This question jumped out at me:
“If you can’t be positive about yourself why would your readers be?”
For me, your post goes beyond relating to other bloggers and readers. Having a healthy, confident and optimistic image about whatever you do in life will serve you well.
You might be surprised by the perception others have of you.
For example, I just got off the phone with an email service provider who found my company in a creative directory. She said: “That tells me your email list must be at least 50,000 names and I wanted to let you know that we can handle up to 100 million emails at once.”
While I can’t imagine communicating with that many subscribers, it’s good to know that someone I’ve never met thinks I can and do. So, don’t limit yourself with limited thinking.
@wiredprworks on twitter
Darren,
This blog rocks, as always great article.
Concentrate on what you want to achieve, not on what you have.
Regards.
Well I think there may two different groups within the set of people who may seem to have this complex.
Primarily there are those who actually have the complex – not thinking they/their blogs are worth too much, but there are others ( like myself ) who love to be honest.
If I’m asking for advise on problogging I think clearly stating where I am, will help get the right answers(I think at the other end of the spectrum are the fake it till you make it bloggers).
Obviously I won’t start any of my blog posts by stating any perceived deficiencies, but if I’m asking for help or advise I kind of think painting the picture as it is will be a first step in the right direction.
When I began blogging, the thoughts were in the back of my mind about..why I am I doing all this work when nobody is reading it. On those days when everything is going wrong it can be frustrating but then I got my first “wise” reader who told me to seek out other bloggers and learn from them.
As a result I am getting a visitor every now and then and that’s all I need to keep me going and boost my confidence.
I realize it takes months and even years to become recognized and become an authority in a niche but I am confident and will continue to improve one post at a time.
Darren- great perspective and observation. I think one of the reasons why people enjoy this blog so much is that there is no elitism here. People feel comfortable no matter what their status is in the blogoshpere. More people should take your lead and support new bloggers. Afterall, the man credited with inventing the Web, Tim Berners-Lee, stated on the 15th anniversary of the Web that the Web is still in its infancy. Which means to me that we all have a ground floor opportunity to succeed.
jsanderz also made a great point that success should be measured individually by ones goals and objectives and not by Google PR or Technorati Authority.
Best wishes.
My guess is that some of those correpondents do not have an inferiority complex, but are simply trying to ingratiate themselves with you for Problogger juice. There are advantages to being perceived as an underdog, even if you are not.
This has got to me one of my favorite posts in quite some time. Our site is considered on the “A List” of wine bloggers, but I’ll be damned if I don’t criticize myself daily for all the ways in which we are not succeeding. Choosing to isolate myself in the house, away from friends and outside stimuli, I’ve found that I get sucked into my own bubble of thoughts. Therefore, regardless of whether your traffic is astounding, or if you can count your readers on one hand, is absolutely irrelevant. Negatively creeps up the in best of us. My suggestion, separate who you are from what you do. Remember that stats are not a reflection of you, but a relative reflection of your blog. Additionally, remember that blogs are still in their infancy, only recently making an impact on the greater society. Everything is relative, so in the end, kick the negative thoughts to the curb and start focusing on the all great ways you can impact people with your positive blogging!
Some very good points Darren. Not just applicable to blogging either. This type of negativity can creep into everything we do.
I used to belong to a craft group where we were banned from using the words “only” and “just” when describing our work. These words can imply unimportance or inferiority and take away from the effort that has been put in to achieve a result.
Darren,
This is hilarious because I just submitted a comment to some blog and my comment started with “I’ve never been a great writer, but…”. I will definitely keep the positive attitude in mind after reading this post. Great eye opener. Thank you.