273: How One Blogger Turned a Painful Situation into a Life-Changing Blog

Darren: Welcome to episode 273 of the ProBlogger podcast. My name’s Darren Rowse and I’m the blogger behind problogger.com, a site and a podcast to help you to start an ,amazing blog that’s going to change the lives of your readers in some way, and hopefully will change your life, too both in what it gives you personally but also hopefully some income as well. You can learn more about what we do at ProBlogger and find our courses at problogger.com.

Speaking of courses, today we do continue our Start A Blog story series where we’re featuring stories from bloggers in their first year of blogging. There are all these bloggers who’ve been throughout Start A Blog course and many of them participated in our International Start A Blog Day last February. We’ve got the second iteration of that event coming up on the 7th of February this year.

We’re running these stories to try and inspire as many people as possible to start a blog and be a part of that process. You can join in the fun of International Start A Blog Day and get a free course to help you set up a blog in that time over at problogger.com/startablog.

Today’s story is from Melissa. She has a blog called Living In The Wait. I love the topic of this blog and that’s one of the reasons that I wanted to share her story today. I’m going to link to her blog which is livinginthewait.com on our show notes today. There’s also a full transcript of the show today and some further listening if you do want to be into one of the big themes that she talks about. You can find the show notes today at problogger.com/podcast/273. I’m going to let Melissa talk now and I’ll come back at the end to just pull out a few of the themes that I love in what she shares.

Melissa: My name is Melissa. I started the blog called Living In the Wait and the URL is livinginthewait.com. What my blog is about is it’s a resource for those who are basically trying to live in the wait. Whether you’re waiting for a family, job, spouse, we all wait for something in our lives. For my husband and I, that wait happened to be infertility.

Why I started my blog was based upon our own personal experience. For over three years, my husband and I have been going through infertility. Something that I never imagined or of course, who would want something like that to go through? But while we were in that process, I began asking myself this question. I said, “How am I supposed to keep living in the wait? How do I keep living every month when I’m continually disappointed? How do I keep living my life? How do I live in the wait?”

That’s really where the whole concept and idea behind Living In The Wait began, where I wanted to be a source for others who are going through a wait and providing them encouragement, support, a community, resources, so they knew that while you are waiting for something in your life that your heart just desperately desires, that you can still live during that time. That’s what I had to learn and that’s also what I wanted to share with others, as well to be a resource for them.

I started my blog. My first post was February 4th of 2018 and as I mentioned, really the whole goal with that is just to be a resource, support, encouragement for those going through some sort of wait. We all wait for something. Our wait just happened to be infertility. During that time, I really noticed a lack of resources, information, support available for people going through infertility and I wanted to do something about that. I knew that I needed that for our journey and I just was surprised that it wasn’t made available to us readily in my community. I’ve noticed that it’s a topic that is hard to talk about and I think that’s part of the reason people maybe don’t share as much. I knew that it was something that God was leading me to do, was to share my story.

I was just amazed as soon as we started sharing ours, how many people stepped up and shared their story as well. Through that, just felt so much community of other people from around the world experiencing the wait, the same wait that my husband and I were going though and how that’s all what we wanted. We all wanted those resources and support, community, just to gather around us to help us during that time because going through something like that, like I said, the resources for that were very limited. How do you go through something? How do you handle those emotions? The grief, the disappointment every month, how are you prepared to do that?

That’s what I wanted to do with Living In The Wait. I still have a long way to go but that’s really kind of my goal and objective is to be that resource to people when they are going through talk a lot about infertility, but we all wait for something. I feel like those tips and the articles that I’ve written are things that do apply for anybody, whatever their type of wait may be.

That’s really been my goal with that. My big dreams, I guess you could say is to continue to have this blog. It has been so much fun. I thoroughly have enjoyed writing a blog. I never would have imagined doing something like that but our journey, our wait really just brought to light something that I think was always there. I’ve always enjoyed writing. I’ve always journaled when I was younger and it just kind of brought all that back in full circle. It’s been something I’ve thoroughly enjoyed.

I want to continue having this blog up. I want it to continue to grow. I want it to be more information available for people. I want to continue to just encourage people. I feel like that something that we need so much along with those resources and practical information to help us get through those difficult times of when we are waiting for something, how do we keep living. It is possible and that’s what I want people to know is you can still live while you’re in the wait. Those desires are still going to be there but you can still live a life to the fullest.

My husband and I have just adopted that attitude ever since starting this blog. It has been a game-changer for us where yes, we’re disappointed every month, we find out that we’re not pregnant but we have been able to just live life to the fullest by doing things that we enjoy and also giving back and being generous to other people as well. This has been so much fun blogging. That’s kind of the story of why I started Living In The Wait. Kind of some of the dreams that had end goals and objectives that I’ve wanted as well with this blog.

Just a couple of highlights from my first year that I wanted to share. One of the things I did was I started my blog in February but in April, I started a monthly series called The Wait List. Basically, it features guest host from people who, you guessed it, are all waiting. As I said, we all wait for things in our lives. I wanted to feature these stories of other people to provide hope and encouragement for others who are going through their wait and basically allow them to see those people and see how they were able to live in their wait.

I think when you’re able to connect to someone that you know, that you can see them getting through a tough situation, it brings you hope. It reminds you that this is something that I can do as well. That has been one of the most powerful things I have done with my blog is The Wait List. It has been one of the most popular posts that I do every month as well.

What’s so neat with that is just how it’s been able to help further the reach of Living In The Wait because there’s only so many people I can reach. But when these other people who are being featured put that information out there and they share to their social media sites, that’s another way I have been able to get that reach spread more is other people read and they find out what Living In The Wait is and what it means.

It’s been so much fun to hear other people’s stories. I love meeting people and that’s what I enjoy the most about The Wait List is I get to connect with them, share their story, and every one of them has just brought so much encouragement to me so I know it’s brought a lot for other people as well who are going through that. That’s been one of the big highlights that we had for Living In The Wait.

When I first started my blog, which was around the time of International Start A Blog Day, I was very surprised and thankfully selected for one of the ProBlogger scholarships. That was a huge surprise that really set things on a very positive note for me starting my blog. I think there’s a lot of self-doubt sometimes when you try to start a blog and you’re wondering, “Is there something really I should do? Do I really have a lot of value to bring?” Those are all questions I experienced when I was starting this.

When I received that scholarship, it was just a sign for me that this is something that I was supposed to be doing and it was great. I was able to get just my information out more and hit a big reach. For that, I just really appreciate ProBlogger and what they’ve done, for offering that, and just really rallying around just supporting other bloggers. It’s awesome to be a part of this community because I really feel it really supports each other and wants to see each other succeed, which I love being a part of.

Also, for any other people who are interested in blogging, like I said, this wasn’t something that I really would have thought of doing myself but through our experience with infertility, I just really felt that nudge that this was something I should be doing, was starting a blog, sharing our story, and encouraging other people through their wait. Through that it includes me. That’s what so neat about starting a blog. It’s definitely very therapeutic for the person that’s writing it but other people when they read it, it’s just like this cycle of encouragement that comes back to you.

Just a couple of tips I’ve learned along the way that I would like to share. The main one is progress over perfection. I’m a perfectionist and there have been so many times when I was writing a post or I was trying to decide about a giveaway or questions to ask to my community. There was so much self-doubt and so many times that would stop me from doing things. I was so concerned about being perfect with the information I was sharing that it would stop me.

I finally got to the point where I was just like, “You know what? I’m tired of this. I know I have value to provide and I’m going to share it.” Yes, there’s times where maybe I wished I would have done something different but that’s where we learn and that’s where it’s so important to go out there and just do that progress, make that progress, do it scared, and know that it might not be perfect, but sometimes, I feel those posts were maybe the ones that people enjoy the most because you’re so vulnerable and genuine with people. So, progress over perfection.

Second I would share is celebrate your wins. There is always more that you could do. There’s always a better post or a better way to write something. There is always more people that you want to read your blog. But here’s the deal. Celebrate the ones that are reading your blog. Celebrate the fact that you did make that post. Celebrate that that post maybe you’re more vulnerable in it. Celebrate your wins because those are what is going to keep you going.

Darren: Thanks so much, Melissa, for sharing you story and blog with us. I love the topic of this blog. It does come out of a painful experience the starting of this blog but this is a theme that I’ve noticed over the years is that many of the blogs that have the biggest impact upon their readers actually start out of these tough situations or these hard experiences that the bloggers have themselves. A painful experience can actually be a life-giving thing for both the person themselves going through that experience but also many other people who can relate to that.

The topic of waiting is something that even as Melissa was talking, I can think of times in my own life when I was waiting in different areas and it’s something that I think many people will be able to relate to. I want to celebrate this topic and say, “Well done, Melissa, and your hubby, I’m not sure what his name was, for starting that blog.”

I love the illustration here of Melissa sharing vulnerably and that leading to a vulnerable reaction in her readers as well. This is something I’ve talked about numerous times over the years is that if you want a particular response from your readers, you need to take the lead and blog in a way that will elicit that kind of response. This is a great illustration of that.

I think I talked in episode 263 about vulnerability and how, when I’ve been vulnerable with my readers and listeners that, often I see that come back to me in the comments, in he messages, in the emails, in the interactions that listeners have. So, great listen there. To put yourself out there and to be willing to go into some of those more painful parts of your life and just see what happens as a result of that.

I also like in the topic that Melissa talked about here is that she’s not just thinking about the topic. She’s actually thinking about the need, the situation of her readers. She’s not just talking about infertility but she’s actually talking about waiting. It would have been possible for her to just start an infertility blog and that would have been a great thing to do. I’m sure that would’ve helped many people but she’s actually thinking a little bit outside the box and extending that into writing for people who are waiting.

I think that’s an interesting way of broadening the topic, giving her not just one topic to talk about and perhaps broadening the audience as well. I think that’s a really nice illustration of an alternative way to think about the topic of your blog and to position your blog. The monthly series of The Wait List, again, brilliant strategy and it kind of relates to what we heard in the last episode. The last episode, our blogger was interviewing people and that led to the growth of her blog. This also, in featuring the stories of other people, guest writers will help to both broaden the topic into different areas but also broaden the audiences as well because each of those writers has their own network and obviously that sharing into that network has helped to grow Melissa’s blog as well.

I just love that Melissa really obviously has her reader in mind. She wants to change their life in some tangible way. Help them through a situation, help them to feel they’re not the only one. Great topic. Really great tips as well around progress as a perfection. We’ve heard this already in the series as well. Don’t let perfection hold you back from actually publishing content, from starting that blog.

Then, that last point she made, to celebrate your wins. I really like that. She kind of bravefully mentioned it there but I think a lot of bloggers, in the early days of their blogs, focus so much attention on the readers they don’t yet have. I think a lot of good things come when you focus not on the reader you don’t yet have, but to focus upon the readers you already do have.

You may only have 10 readers of your blog. You might not even have that many. You might have three and one of them might be your mom. But focus upon what you already have. Celebrate those two, or three, or 10 people because each of those people has their own network. If you serve them, if you love them, they then spread the word. Celebrate those wins. Focus upon what you have, not just upon what you don’t have and I hope that good things come for you in your blogging as well.

Thanks so much, Melissa. Again, you can find her blog at livinginthewait.com. You can find our show notes with a full transcription of today’s show as well. Another episode you might want to listen to on our show notes today at problogger.com/podcast/273. Also, the episode that you might want to dig into a little bit, I kind of mentioned a little bit earlier is episode 263 where I talked about vulnerability. I give an example of my own vulnerability and the good things that happened when I put my pain and confusion out there for people. It’s a little bit more personal but I hope that you find something good out of that as well. I’d love to hear your examples of when you’ve been vulnerable with your readers as well.

Don’t forget to check out our Start A Blog course at problogger.com/start-a-blog. If you are interested in getting a blog up and running in a similar way that Melissa is going to bring a lot of life to those around you and to you as well, that’s at problogger.com/start-a-blog. Thanks for listening. Chat with you in the next few days where I will continue our series of stories from our new bloggers.